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Reclamation vs Transformation: Why They’re Not the Same Thing
At first glance, reclamation and transformation can look very similar. Both involve change. Both involve growth. Both involve healing. But beneath the surface, they’re operating from very different assumptions. Transformation asks: “Who do I need to become?” Reclamation asks: “Who was I before I learned I had to be someone else?” One looks outward.…
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Blame, Responsibility, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves
Human beings are natural storytellers. We create stories to make sense of our experiences, our relationships, our successes, and our struggles. The problem isn’t that we tell stories. The problem is that we often mistake our stories for the truth. When something painful happens, we instinctively look for an explanation. Sometimes that explanation becomes…
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Shame vs Accountability: Why Most People Get Stuck
Many people believe shame and accountability are the same thing. They aren’t. In fact, confusing the two is one of the biggest reasons people stay stuck. Shame says: “I am bad.” Accountability says: “I made a choice, and I can make a different one.” Shame attacks identity. Accountability addresses behavior. Shame keeps people trapped…
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The External Domain: What You Control and What You Don’t
One of the greatest sources of frustration, disappointment, and exhaustion is confusing your external domain with your internal one. The external domain includes everything that exists outside of your direct control. Other people’s thoughts. Other people’s choices. Other people’s feelings. The economy. The weather. Past events. Unexpected circumstances. Life itself. Many of us were…
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The Internal Domain: Where Your Real Power Lives
One of the most important distinctions I teach is the difference between your internal domain and your external domain. Most people spend their lives trying to control things that were never theirs to control. Other people’s opinions. Other people’s choices. Other people’s emotions. Other people’s healing. Other people’s behavior. The problem is that all…
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Accountability vs Ownership: The Difference Changes Everything
Many people use accountability and ownership interchangeably. At first glance, they seem like the same thing. Both involve taking responsibility for our lives. Both require honesty. Both ask us to examine our choices and actions. But there is an important distinction between them. Accountability is the willingness to acknowledge your role in a situation.…
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What Is Reclamation? (And Why It Comes Before Transformation)
This is where my perspective differs from much of the personal growth world. We’re often taught that healing means transforming ourselves into something better. Become more confident.Become more successful.Become more spiritual.Become more healed. The message is subtle, but it often sounds like: “You are not enough as you are. You need to become something…